ladybugtoos

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/rockertraining/5130/stay-off-the-scale

*lol*  Here’s the other side of the on-the-scales/off-the-scales theory. 

http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/06/29/in.your.head/index.html

I’m a D quadrant person.  Definitely a D.  What type are all of you?

http://health.msn.com/dietfitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100165487

Found this and thought how appropriate after yesterday’s post. 

Does anyone else have this issue?  When I look at myself, I like that I’m smaller, but I’m so flabby that I almost feel like I looked better fat.  Its frustrating.  I know I need to start weight training and that would help, but I also think that to look the way I want, I’m going to have to have the ole tummy tuck and the extra crap cut off my arms if/when I get to my goal weight.  I don’t wanna!  Anyone know of anything I can do along with the weight training to help tone up?  Fish-y oil stuff?  I know they used to say to eat fish to help, but I don’t know if that’s been disproved now or not.  That and I don’t really like fish… tastes like fish.  *gag*  All else fails, anyone know where I can get discount plastic surgery?!  *lol* 

Hi all.  Me again.  I’m in need of some emotional support.  Not so that I won’t overeat, but so that I’ll eat.  I’m back into the depression, which means I’ll probably stop eating again.  But even though I’m sad, it’s weird because it’s like I want to cry, but I can’t.  I think that’s my psyche saying that I know deep down that I’m better off without him and heck, I know that even not so deep down.  Hell, I’ve known that all along.  I prayed to God to either make him love me or take him away.  I guess Texas is away.  I even told him when he left that I was relieved because I knew that the relationship wasn’t healthy for me.  The six weeks we were together before he left was nothing but a constant roller coaster ride of emotions for me, mostly just the bottom of the coaster.  So, I know very well that I’m better off and when I really focus on it, I’m okay.  But I have an issue about losing my friends…. seems like every friend I make moves far away, leaving me alone.  So I’m assuming that this is related to that more than to me losing a so-called “boyfriend”, if I can even call him that, which I couldn’t.  And it’s not like we aren’t still talking…. he emailed me just this morning, but it’s just that I won’t actually see him anymore and that kills me.  I’m sorry, Guys, I just don’t have anywhere else to go with this.       

Kind of glad to be home… kind of heartbroken over how the week ended, even though it ended pretty much the way I expected.  Time to move on.  Time to find someone new.  Okay, so before I ramble into a place that no one can follow me in to, I should explain some things I guess.  This guy that I went to visit… I’m not even sure how to say this.  I thought he was perfect… smart, cute, good in the old you know where… not the best body but hey, I can relate.  Anyway, took this week with him for me to realize that he’s not as perfect as I thought.  And I know I don’t love him (even though I was sure there for awhile that I did) and I know that he has too many faults that I just can’t overlook anymore.  So can someone tell me why knowing all this that it still hurts like someone punched me in the gut?  Its not that the time I spent down there was ALL bad, no, I had fun, but then last night, we got into this very honest, very sincere conversation that lasted hours and was still going on when he drove me to the airport this morning.  Basically, he laid it all out for me as in I had my life and he had his.  We all know what that means.  That and he told me that he knew that I didn’t have the right personality that he was looking for in someone for a long term commitment.  The conversation was actually nice because it allowed us both to say the things that we’ve been holding back for two months… God, has it really only been that long?  Feels like years.  But still, I just don’t get my own emotions sometimes.  He won’t hold my hand.  He won’t introduce me to his friends.  He’s trying to distance himself from me.  He eats constantly (not good for a girl who’s trying to lose weight and its weird because he says that he wants to lose weight as well).  He spends money like crazy and lets not forget that he’s technically unemployed at the moment (I bet there wasn’t a day that I was down there that he didn’t spend at least $75 if not more).  He’s a tad bit of a know it all (damn intellectuals).  He likes to throw they multi-cultural card out there all the time (he’s Cambodian).  He’s always talking about how I’d be happier if I lost more weight (f*ck you, Buddy!  You’re no male model yourself!)  That and the main thought that he doesn’t care about me in the way that I want him too.  These are all things that I can’t deal with, so why do I still want him?  Ugh!  I hate it.  I didn’t go down there thinking that he would finally confess his love for me and beg me to move down there to be with him (that was my own little fantasy though *heehee*).  I went down there for closure and I got it.  Honestly, even though it hurts a little, I think because of that conversation, we ended it in a good place.  Now, I have to give it time…

Other than that, I absolutely fell in love with San Antonio.  I’m planning another trip down there with my son around his b-day in October so he can see it.  If he likes it, maybe we’ll move down there anyway.  I miss living in the city.  That and wouldn’t it be fun to lose the weight, meet a wonderful guy, and then just happen to run into this guy all happy and thin?  Oooh, looks like I moved away from the pain and anger and moved right into vindictive.  I like that better.

http://www.hungry-girl.com/index.php

Just found this site this afternoon (I can’t even remember how I found it, but I did) and have been cruising it for awhile now.  Pretty cool with a lot of useful information.  I really like their Chew the Right Thing section which gives you two options… one healthy, one not and a comparison of them.  Check it out!

I’m such a naughty girl.  Been eating all day.  Gotta stop that.  Even polished off a bag of Combos.  I hate it when that wagon comes to a sudden stop and I don’t fall off… I get flung off at the speed of light.  Oh well…  start over again tomorrow.

I changed my goal weigh back to 155.  I think the 135 was too much pressure.  I’m still thinking I’d like to be 135, but I’ll hold off and see if I make it to 155 first and go from there.  I also changed my mini-goal to 189 which really is my next goal.  Problem is, I REALLY wanted to be there by Wednesday, but I don’t know if I’m going to make it.  Well, at least those 3 mystery lbs are gone again.  That was really weird. 

In other news, I’m so excited about Wednesday I can hardly wait!  Eeek!  I wanna go now, damn it!  I’ve been packed for a week.  My friend called last night and he was laughing because I was packed and ready.  He said he hadn’t even packed yet.  He found a decent place for us to stay at while I’m there.  It’s like a little efficiency apartment.  Intown Suites?  Anyone know anything about them?  Looked nice on the computer, but who knows.  Cheap too.  Like $170/wk.  That takes a load off.  I was worried about him shelling out the moola for a motel/hotel room for a week.  I’d be uncomfortable with him spending that much just to put me up for a week.  Everyone’s asking me if I’m nervous to be flying for the first time.  No.   Not really.  I’m excited to be flying for the first time.  Only thing that concerns me, is I’m scared to death that something’s going to come up and I’m going to miss my connecting flight in Denver.  I don’t know why that worries me so much, it just does.  That and I’m worried about those poodle-sized cockroaches in Texas.   *shudder*     

Man, I feel really huge today.  Must be that 1.8 lb gain.  And I haven’t found the time to walk today yet.  Usually I walk over the river after the van drops us off at the hospital to my job over here, then I walk on break, at lunch, on break, and then walk back to the hospital.   All in all it works out to around 1 hr. 40 min. total.  Well, today I drove myself, so there’s been no walk to or from the hospital today.  At break, I cruised through CVS to make sure that I had everything for the trip.  Then at lunch I went to get the gift certificate for my mom’s b-day tomorrow.  I have to go move on break at least.  Maybe I’ll just get in the pool after work.  I prefer to go earlier in the day because by the time I get home, the sun is behind the tree and I can’t get any sun.  Poo!  And I need to stop spending money!  I love shopping but I hate actually spending money.  Does that make sense?